A simple formula

1. Name the loss. "I was so sorry to hear about your mother."
2. Say something true. A memory, a quality of the person, or simply that you care.
3. Offer something, if you mean it. A meal, a walk, a call next week.
4. Close gently. "With love," or "Thinking of you," and your name.

If you knew the person who died, use their name. Hearing it is often a comfort.

Short messages

Sometimes two lines are enough, especially for someone you don't know well.

• "I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your family."
• "With deepest sympathy, and warm thoughts in this hard time."
• "There are no right words. Please know that I care, and I am here."

For a close friend

• "I can't stop thinking about you and about your dad. He always made me feel welcome in your home, from the very first visit. I'll call on Sunday, and I'm here for anything, big or small."
• "I'm so sorry about Mia. She was the funniest person in every room. There is nothing you need to say back. I'll bring dinner on Thursday, unless you tell me not to."

For family

• "We are heartbroken with you. Grandpa's stories and his garden will stay with all of us. We love you and will see you soon."

For a colleague

Keep it warm and simple. Leave out details you only heard at work.

• "I was very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Please take all the time you need. We are thinking of you."
• "On behalf of the whole team, our deepest sympathy. If there is anything we can take off your plate, just say the word."

For a neighbor

• "We were so sorry to hear that Frank died. We will miss his wave from the porch every morning. If you need anything at all, we are right next door."

For the loss of a pet

The loss of a dog or a cat is real grief. A card shows that you understand.

• "I'm so sorry about Biscuit. He was such a happy part of your family, and he was lucky to have you."

Religious wishes

Use them when you know that the person shares your faith.

• "May God give you comfort and peace in the days ahead. You are in our prayers."
• "We are praying for you and your family. May her memory be a blessing."

Non-religious wishes

• "Wishing you comfort, and moments of peace in the days ahead."
• "May the memories you share bring you some comfort in time."

A longer message

If you knew the person well, a few more lines can mean a lot. One idea to adapt:

Dear [name],

I was so sorry to hear about your mom. I will always remember her laugh at your birthday picnics, and how she made sure that everyone went home with a plate of food.

I know the weeks ahead will be hard. I would love to bring you dinner next week, or just sit with you for an hour. I'll text you on Monday.

With love,

Jenny

What to avoid

• Explanations. "Everything happens for a reason" or "She is in a better place" can hurt, unless you know the person believes it.
• Comparisons. "I know exactly how you feel" puts the focus on you.
• Advice. Don't tell them how to grieve or what to do next.
• Details of the death. Don't ask how it happened.
• "Let me know if you need anything." It is kind, but it puts the work on them. A concrete offer is easier to accept.
• Bright, cheerful designs. A calm picture or a plain front fits better.

When the card is late

It is never too late to send a sympathy card. In the first days, many people reach out. Weeks or months later, the cards stop, but the grief does not. A card that arrives then can mean even more.

• "I'm sorry that this card is late. I have thought of you often since Paul died, and I wanted you to know."
• "I know it has been a few months, but I am still thinking of you and of your dad. I hope you have people around you."

You do not need to explain why the card is late. A card around a hard date, such as the first holiday season after the loss, is also a kind gesture.

Sign-offs

• "With deepest sympathy," / "With heartfelt sympathy," for anyone
• "With love," / "Thinking of you," for family and close friends
• "With warm thoughts," / "Kind regards," for colleagues and acquaintances

We don't write your card

These are ideas, not a template. You or your AI app write the message. Before you approve, you see the preview of the exact card that we print, inside and out. The inside has room for about 550 characters, a few short paragraphs. We mail cards to recipients in the United States.

Related

• What to write in a Christmas card